Looking back at this photo brings so many tears to my eyes. I was just 19 and Michael was 22. We knew nothing about being married. We didn’t know we would struggle so hard to create our own family. All we knew was that we loved each other. I miss this time of my life so much sometimes.
For the last four years, I’ve let infertility defeat me in ways no one will ever know. I’ve let it eat me alive, to the point where I wouldn’t get out of bed for days at a time. Where I’d scream what the f*** is wrong with me every time I’d miscarry. For the last four years, I have kept my fears and feeling bottled up to where no one could see. Not even my husband. You see when you go through infertility you and your spouse grieve so differently. And I wish someone could have told me that. I’m the type of person that was so angry at myself and my body for not being able to get pregnant or keep a pregnancy. And my husband is a supporter of all things. Most times I’d get so angry at him because he wasn’t angry with me. But we all grieve differently.
So yes, we have decided to stop trying. And that’s okay. At this point in my life, I feel like I need to reset. Reset my mind, body, and faith.
I wanna thank everyone who has always rooted for Michael and I. All the countless prayers, monthly check-ins, and messages of positivity. You all will never know who much those meant to me because they always came at the perfect time.
This does not mean we’ve given up of course. I just feel like infertility has taken up my energy and positivity so much I need to take a break from it all and my husband couldn’t agree more.